I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
We're like a lot better than the average bears
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
