I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
