I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
