Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
