a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
