In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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