Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
