You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
