They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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