It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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