I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
