We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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