and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
