I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
