I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
