Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
