was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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