my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
