well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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