"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
