It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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