dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
