at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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