the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
