Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
