haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
