Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
