I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
