Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
