yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
