The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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