Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
