I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
