There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
