I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Pooping to opera.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
