is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
