I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
