I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
