Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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