Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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