I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
