I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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