i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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