exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
