My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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