He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
