it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I checked into jail on foursquare
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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