You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
