His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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