jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
