I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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